A Valiant Fight

As any serviceman throughout history will tell you, there is one enemy, ever
present, that plagues military forces throughout the world. Whether it be wartime or
peace, this enemy is ever present, constantly attacking, unrelenting, and virtually
undefeatable. This enemy is not some fanatical terrorist force or even a Communist
superpower, rather the enemy is simple, the enemy is boredom. It is an ever-raging battle,
continually being fought with every weapon one could possibly imagine. It is a battle
that turns grown men into boys, often reducing them to levels more resembling grade-
school children than professional fighting men. This is the story of one Marines fight
against this most dreaded foe. Taking place on the edge of the jungles of Panama, it is
the story of how the Marine fought valiantly against the evil forces arrayed against him as
he stood an eight-hour watch through the middle of the night. It is a compelling story
illustrating how the indomitable human spirit can survive even in the face of such a
vicious and debasing assault. If you have your doubts that one person could triumph over
such great odds, let me reassure you, the story is true. I know because I was the Marine in
the story.

After two weeks in country and my fourth all night watch, the novelty of going to
exotic places and meeting exotic people was beginning to wear off. I was no longer
fascinated by watching the big black Army helicopters come quietly slipping out of the
jungle night into the landing zone behind my security area only to pick up more supplies
and lift back off into the steamy haze as quietly as they had arrived. The assortment of
magazines my coworkers and I had acquired during a midnight raid of the base
barbershop early after our arrival also no longer held my interest. The deck of cards that
had previously kept me occupied was by this point basically beginning to irritate me.
Whoever said solitaire was fun must have resided in a coma. It was about the third hour
of my watch at which point a strange movement near the stairs directly to the front of my
post caught my attention. As I looked closer, to my surprise I saw that the movement I
had seen was a small crab that appeared to be heading for the stairs. I had seen a few
similar creatures near the shore line of the Canal, and even one on the road near the old
gun emplacements, but the fact that one of these lower life forms actually had the nerve
to come into my security area in the middle of the night; well the little guy must have
been smoking something because surely he had more sense than that. I then proceeded to
stand and straighten my pistol belt heading in the direction of the intruder. It was at that
very place in time that I saw something with a level of coolness that to this day cannot be
compared with anything else I have ever seen. The crab began to climb the stairs. Using
his large claw to perform a series of one-claw pull-ups, the intruder slowly made his way
from one step to another all the way to the top. Understandably, I was amazed. The
Marine Corps has taken me many places and I have seen many strange and interesting
things, but this was without a doubt the apex of my life. Either God had showed me the
absolute coolest thing on earth or I was delusional with boredom.

Nearing the fifth hour of my watch and without the company of my new friend
Mr. Crab, I was really beginning to feel the effects of that old enemy attacking my
existence. I tried to counterattack by doodling on the duty roster but soon found there
was no room left, so I sat out in search of a fresh piece of paper. It is an old military
habit to keep one’s letter writing gear stashed underneath one’s pillow. So, on a hunch, I
checked underneath the pillow of the off duty rack. Sure enough, one of my fellow
Marines had left his notepad. I breathed a breath of relief and began to walk back to my
desk, tossing the notepad to the desktop as I neared. Suddenly however, I heard an
unexpected sound. Looking down I realized the noise was the sound of something falling
out of the notepad and hitting the floor. As I crouched to retrieve the fallen item, I
became aware that it was one of our magazines, but wait; this magazine was all nice and
neat, all the ones we had were wrinkled and torn. What is this? Wait a minute, could it
be? Is it possible? I think it is. No it can’t be, this is too good to be true. But it is, it’s a
brand new issue of...Better Homes and Gardens? Even now I fail to understand the
mentality of an 18 year old Marine who purchases a copy of Better Homes and Gardens,
however, in one last aggressive push to ward off the evils of boredom, I opened the
magazine. Page one displayed a full-page advertisement for Miracle Grow. This is
obviously going to be more fun than one person should legally have.

As the final hours of my watch began to tick away, I must admit, I became
engrossed with my newfound reading material. I thoroughly enjoyed one particular
article on organizing your garage and I cannot deny the informative story on growing
bigger potatoes did make my mouth water. As the last half-hour counted down I began
to eagerly anticipate the arrival of my relief. I waited patiently watching the stairs for
signs of other human life. It was at this point that I began to hear a faint clicking noise
that appeared to be coming down the stairs. As I sat with my eyes glued to the
passageway, my old buddy Mr. Crab slowly appeared. I watched as he carefully made
his way down the stairs and out the door. I don’t know if he heard me tell him good
morning or if he saw me wave good-bye to him from my post, but my relief, coming
down the stairs, did. As I stood to remove my pistol belt and turn it over to the next
victim, I looked out the door into the fresh morning sky. It was then as I rubbed my eyes
and stretched that I realized I had won. I had stared into the evil face of boredom and it
had retreated.

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The story you have just read is true. Any similarity to actual people or events is purely
intentional and the author took no creative license. Please read this and remember that
our men and women in uniform face these threats everyday, all over the world. Please
remember to give them your support.